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29 January 2013 @ 02:34 am
Idk if my landlord is up or one of my housemates but I gotta pee something terrible and - oh yeah, got a nice large bowl of vomit sat next to me. I've spent the whole day just eating and throwing up.

How about that, huh. I haven't binged this bad in a while. Bloody hell. I'm almost sickeningly impressed with myself.
I could still eat. How fucking ridiculous is that?! Somebody has to stop me, I'm on a rampage, I'm dangerous, I'm going to eat EVERYTHING - I dreamed I stole my friends sausages, I haven't eaten meat since 2003.
Honestly getting tired of leading a double life. I don't really NEED friends. All they do is make me drink and eat. I shouldn't do either. Drinking makes me eat. I need to stop drinking.

Going to read Marya Hornbacher's 'Sane'. Might help persuade me to stop drinking - that woman is my goddess, she's balsy, perfect and kicked bulimias ass to the kerb. Why can't I do the same? Why can't it fuck off? I could have bought flowers or something nice for me and Bailey with that £10. Instead I might as well have just flushed it down the toilet. Well - I essentially did.

Taken my prozac plus a zopiclone - hope I can sleep tonight. Hope too much of the above didn't get absorbed. I'm definitely going to have a coffee in the morning. If I wake up in the morning, shit, it's 3am.

Night night x
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: Just The Way I'm Not - All Time Low